yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
