She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
