well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
