my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
