Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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