SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
