Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
