Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
