sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
