He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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