Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
