I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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