It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
