this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
