I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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