i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
