Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
