Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
