shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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