i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize