When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
