Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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