do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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