I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
