Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
