every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Dick very happy bro
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
