How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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