I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
