I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
