I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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