I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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