I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
porn star boner night. come get it.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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