I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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