haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
