I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
