Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
