I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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