too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
