remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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