Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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