while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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