sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
