dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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