A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
