Kiss
Puke
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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