I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I AM VODKA MAN
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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