It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
