woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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