The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
