If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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