im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
