Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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