Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
