I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
