Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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