My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
