someone threw a dead crab at me
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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