I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
