remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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