Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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