Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
