my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My vagina is officially offended.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
