This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
