I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
