She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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