i just wanna soil my oats bro
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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