His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
