There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
